My high school buddy and college roommate, Richie was organizing a hip hop and R’n’B party and I had to attend, though I did not rеally feel like it. As a matter of fact, Richie told me that if I wanted to live, I had better come. Of course, the guys from my neighborhood were all there as well, so at least I felt in ‘friendly waters’. Apart from the guard and a few waitresses, we had the club to ourselves. We were having toasts and people were shouting out things like ‘cheers!’ and ‘who’s not drinking?’, bottles rang and glasses clang. The party was not even officially announced open yet.
However, I was just not in the mood. It was my first night in town for the last few weeks, and all I wanted to do was see my best friend Bianca and I had to actually drag her with me to the party, just to get to talk to her. She did not want to be there and I felt bad for making her come. Plus, my friends all thought she was my girl and I was ignoring them because of her. They had good reason for it for I have kissed and caressed her more than a couple of times, but we have always remained good friends.
Bianca told me it was not my fault she was blue, a friend of hers was falling for the bartender of the ‘Tequila’ and Bianca just felt bad for deserting her there. The beer kicked in, somebody cracked a few jokes about the grammatical errors of the signs on the wall, and things started to look better.
Richie was behind the deck. He took the microphone and told us the party was on. He opened with the theme from ‘SWAT’. I looked around. Out of fifty people, I knew everyone, and more were coming. I realized I did not despise small towns as much as I had thought.
Then someone said Mary was coming.
Mary had been my high- school love. What started as a recess joke- around grew into an unequal affectionate relationship where I was the weak one. Looking at things from a current perspective, I see that she did not like me. She liked the power she had over me. She knew I was crazy about her and demonstrated her superiority in every way that she could.
After graduation our paths parted. Not once did she call me, or even write me a letter of simple recollection. I spent a year in the depths of depression. I spent another recovering. Lying in my bed every lonely night, pondering over my mental sufferings, I blamed her for everything. Then I blamed myself. One morning I saw that it was actually nobody’s fault. That was that. I decided to go on with my life.
She was going to come tonight and I knew I still had a soft spot for her.
While we were sitting down, talking about Bianca’s friend and the bartender, Mary approached us with a group of mutual acquaintances, who I spent a lot of nights partying with in my day and right now could not care less about.
Well, I shook their hands, and when Mary’s turn came, instead of a greeting she squeaked in her high- pitched, imperative voice:
‘You’ve had a haircut.’
‘Yeah, nice to see you too. How are you?’
She did not answer, so I turned my back on her.
Throughout the next thirty minutes or so, I drank, cuttled and talked with Bianca, went up to the DJ’s corner to check on Richie and ask for a specific song and greeted old friends. You could say I was on top of the world right there and then.
After a while the number of people in the club started to really swell up. Mary came to me and pricked me on the shoulder as I was trying to get my glass of rum safely across the crowded dance floor.
‘Could you ask Richie if he has that song with R Kelly and the girl- singer?..’
‘Let’s see’, I replied and looked down at my T- Shirt. ‘Ah, I’m sorry, I don’t see the word ‘Bellboy’ written anywhere here!’
I shrugged, smiled and went away. Maybe she deserved it, maybe she did not. The fact is, she came up to me again after a while:
‘Are you mad at me, or something?’
‘No, no.’ I said. It was the truth. I had been mad, but was not anymore. ‘It’s just that twenty people or so have been asking me to talk to Richie. He’s right over there, you know.’
I carried on with the fun, while she sat in a gloomy corner, surrounded by her royal entourage. In the mean time, Bianca’s friend arrived and said that the ‘Tequila’ bartender was not worth it. So we sat at Mary’s table and I kissed and hugged Bianca and that was what I wanted to do the whole night long.
Then came Nixon, a very good friend, drunk as a drowning donkey, for his pro- abstinence girlfriend had stayed behind in Sofia. While he was talking to Bianca, Mary pricked me on the shoulder one more time.
‘Is there some kind of a game going on around here?’
‘Yeah, I think so, but you have to ask Richie for the rules. The reward is a very nice CD’
‘No, I mean are you playing some kind of a game?’
‘You mean like a Nintendo thing?’
‘No, I mean your personal life’
Of course there was a game, and it was called ‘Play dumb. See what happens.’
‘Everything’s a game’, I cried out to overcome the music, ‘And we’re merely players. I think Shakespeare said it. Wherever you look, in every aspect of human society, what matters is not what things are, but what they look like.’
‘Whatever. Just know that she’s a very dull little girl.’
‘Are we talking about Bianca here?’
Mary nodded. It all made sense. You see two people happy together, you try your best to ruin that. A completely normal human reaction. But to call the smartest girl I know dull!
‘What’s it to you?’
‘Nothing. Just to let you know, that’s all.’
‘Yeah,’ I thought. ‘We all know how much you care about my well- being’
‘And how about yourself,’ I said after a while, ‘How’s life treating you?’
‘Oh, not so good. All studying and no time for sex at all.’
Later, I found out she had a boyfriend in Sofia. She tried to provoke me and succeeded. But she could not shock me and catch me off balance.
‘You know,’ I smiled, ‘We’re friends, right? What are friends for? I bet I can help you with that.’
‘You can, huh?’
‘Call me while you’re in town. We’ll work something out.’
It was all about superiority. She wanted to be in control once more. I just turned my back on her and left her wondering whether I’d been just joking around or not.
A couple of hours went by. Richie was as happy as a ten- year old with a jawbreaker at a baseball game. Bianca eventually went back to ‘Tequila’ with her friend. I started dancing with Nixon and we did not stop for several songs. We were like acrobats and did all kinds of funny moves. That was what I liked about Nixon. He did not care about the others. The whole club looked at us and clapped with the beat.
Mary came up to me one more time.
‘I’ll call you every month.’
I laughed. She hated not being the strong one. She just came up with lines to see my reaction. She expected me to fall down to my knees as I had done so many times before.
‘Don’t you want to first try the merchandise before you subscribe?’
I do not know why I felt the way I felt. Probably because I was surrounded by so many friends that relied on me. Probably because it was my man who was playing the music. Probably it was the girl I was ready to tear the world apart for three years ago, and now just toyed with. I felt like the puppeteer of puppeteers, the king of the moment. I had paved my path up to Vengeance Peak, I knew now I could humiliate her and have her do what I want, I could torture her like she did me.
After a few other drunk adventures, including a brawl with that loser, the ‘Tequila’ bartender, I got home with the walls shaking around me, my legs hurting, my ears hissing. But I sobered up quickly after I looked in the mirror and saw my eyes. Yes, revenge was sweet, but too many sweets can blind you. I remembered Ahab, the count of Monte Christo, Frankenstein and all those who blindly chased an obsession, losing their souls in the process. And I prayed for the strength to refuse the temptation of vengeance.
I did not have to find out if I had it in me, because she never called.
